I know what you're thinking : another bloody blog about music, ho hum. Everyone who thinks they know music has got their own two cents on U2's latest release, the buzz around Animal Collective or what mess Amy Winehouse has got herself into, 'so what' you say? There are thousands upon thousands of blogs all talking about music, reviewing albums from past and present out there so why do I want to start my own specialist blog when I already have a simple one complimenting my university studies. Is that not enough? Well, no. I have a serious purpose for this blog: three days ago, I was heartbroken and I didn't know what to do.
On Monday morning after weeks of over-excited anticipation the editors at 33 1/3 (the continuing series of little books on individual albums) rejected my proposal on The Velvet Underground's self-titled 3rd album. It was my first attempt at submitting something for professional consideration. I've written bits and pieces on various music forums and the occasional review for Amazon but I'd never put anything forward formally with a view to having it in print. I admit now with some embarrassment that I had too high an expectation of its success: I really, really, really believed if I was chosen, that it would open doors. A published book would look good on my CV if I wanted to work for someone like MOJO. Even though my wife warned me that getting over-excited would only make the disappointment crushing and painful, I still thought that I would take the potential bad news with some philosophical maturity. Well, I was wrong.
When I got the e-mail from David at 33 1/3 saying no, I was heart-broken. That's a bit of a over-simplification because I can't express in words how crushed I was immediately afterwards. I know it sounds like over-dramatisation but I was really devastated, really upset, really lost, really baffled and really miserable. I'd blown my biggest chance of a lifetime to escape the lifeless, professional wilderness of the last 20 years. It took a good hour or two of soul-searching and reflection with loved one around me before I started feeling just about ok with it and then I made a big mistake: I read the list of titles that made it through to Round 2. Sure, there were some interesting proposals that made it through (loads, in fact) but my eyes were drawn to a few that didn't seem to fit....Big Country? Huh? Van Halen? Britney Spears? Cyndi Lauper? The fucking Eagles???? USA for Africa?? GARTH BROOKS???? What the fuck?? My blood began to boil. What on earth were these names doing in a serious analytical album series? I was mortified. My proposal may not have been great but I couldn't understand why these "dead weights" of popular culture were preferred as subject matter over "the more serious efforts" I and other rejectees had spent time and effort working on. So I then did something, I'm now wholeheartedly ashamed of: I lashed out.
There's a comment link under the list of proposals on 33 1/3's blog and straight after the list was published, many posters started congratulating each other on their success and halfheartedly commiserated with others less fortunate. I didn't quite feed the need to commiserated like this: I was baying for blood. I began to first question the motives of David et al for allowing such 'ridiculous' proposals through, then moaned that I had worked hard on mine only for it to be pushed out by work being "clever for the sake of clever". Yeah, I know, I know, I know. Utterly silly and pointless. It developed away from a question and answer session into the nature of the series ('it's not the album itself being put through, it's the proposal..period'), into a slanging match. It wasn't pretty and I would now like to offer my very humblest apologies for some of the comments made on Monday and part of Tuesday. Especially to all those at 33 1/3. The rants and abuse I threw back at you all were immature and completely unjustifiable. I was upset and I should have just bitten my tongue and walked away. But now in the light of this reflective perspective, maybe you can see how I got into this tizz in the first place and see what led to this mild-mannered janitor getting shitty all of a sudden (and appositely, I can now see some of the sage advice for what it was - good).
This is point in the story where the rescue plan from the disaster kicks in and I'm sent back on my merry way again. I gotta thank my fellow posters at my regular hang out Black Cat Bone who set me right and helped give me the idea for this blog. I started to crack abuse at some of them as well because several lucky members had proposals accepted by 33 1/3 (thankfully none of the above!). Gradually it dawned on me that this irrational rage was really eating me up and I was now starting to push away people I consider friends. I was ashamed. I slept on this overnight and decided in the morning to turn it round with a new approach. Rather than endlessly moaning about my 'injustice', I asked my successful friends (and other BCB people who work in the media) what would I need to do to be taken seriously as a writer? Believe it or not, suggestion number one was....'take rejection with dignity'! Yeah, I think I got that now guys, I laughed. Since then the generosity of advice offered to me by my fellow BCBers has been overwhelming and I'm now back to my old self again after my day and a half of madness. The blog idea was suggestion number 2 and well, here it is!
I'm not bitter now and in fact I'm happy for all those first-timers who got through the first stage. Good luck to you all. I will submit for 33 1/3 again but hopefully next time, I'll have more experience and more poise when things don't quite go to plan. I hope to god I'll never be that bitter ever again.
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To start the ball rolling after that sob story (of sorts), immediately after this is up I'm going to post my proposal for all to see. I fully expect a deluge of shit after what I've said elsewhere but I suppose I deserve it. If some of you do want to offer genuine criticism of its value or worth, great. I promise I won't bite. By the way, it comes without its footnotes and references as they probably won't paste over from my original Word document. In that case, I can assure you it has been researched throughly (well, as much as I could..the libraries here leave a lot to be desired) and I'm happy to provide any back up info if needed. Thanks.
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